Saturday, April 05, 2008
For Women Only
I am skeptical when it comes to marriage manuals. I believe that the two in the marriage know more about how to fix their marriage than a 3rd party. I am skeptical about reading a generalized description of either male or female. I don't believe all statements apply to all within a certain group. We are all individuals. Yet, what woman isn't hungry for a look-see into the intellect and sub-conscious mindframe of her husband? It was this curiosity that caused me to open Shaunti Feldhahn's book.
I really didn't have any expectations. I figured her message would be the same redundant opinion shared by countless other authors. Ho boy was I wrong. I became so engrossed in what she was explaining that I read the book without as much as looking up. A compact 184 page read, totally answered questions any woman would ask atleast once about her husband.
For instance, why do they look at other women? The interesting truth from Feldhahns stand point is that they can't help it. Even when they don't look, there is this elephant-in-the-room tension that he knows she's there, he doesn't want to look, but man. He knows she there. And if he does catch a look, it doesn't end once his eyes have shifted away from the person. Images arise in the mind not at will, but randomly and without invitation later after the memory of looking at the person has waned. That is why not looking is as crucial as admitting (to himself) that he wants to.
She also describes the incredable urge most men have to keep the secret that they feel like an imposter at work. If anyone really knew how little they knew or did, they fear the reprocusions.
Or how about the way most men could care less about the make up as long as their wives take care of themselves? It's about seeing the diligence in maintaining the well being without the need to be made up, or doctored up at the local out patient facility.
At the heart of her book, Feldhahn believes all men are, well, simple and not complex. They do what they do for perfectly good reasons. Those reasons, however, they prefer to keep secret. If I were a man, I would feel exposed. But that's the beautiful part of Feldhahn's book. We can have this knowledge now without paying the price of a therapist, who probably couldn't obtain this much from our husbands anyway.
I still beleive not all generalizations apply to all men. (or women) But I do belive this book sheds some pretty blinding light on the thought lives of husbands. And as the sensitive wives we are, we know to take the information gleaned from Fledhahn's book to better our marriage. We would never use the information as a weapon. Right? Right!